I'm pretty sure I'm done with this blog for now, I made a private blog on tumblr.

People are welcome to ask for the url and password. I'll find it easier to write there.

I meant what I said when I said I was happy for you. I honestly did. Part of me still wants you to be happy, no matter what form that happiness is.

Today is the first day that I've believed that you led me on.

It's the first day that I believe that you lied to me.

I'm not an idiot and I'm not going to say you didn't mean everything you said to me.

I still think part of what we had was real.

I just hate you for how you done everything.

I hate the way you treated me like shit.

I hate the way you told me all these things and then just didn't do anything.

I hate that I meant every word I ever said, and they fell on deaf ears.

I hate this entire situation because everyone told me that this was going to happen. I told them it wouldn't. I told them you weren't like that. I just hate that I had to make myself believe that you weren't. I hate the way I was wrong.

I hate the way that this was harder for me than it was for you.

I just hate all of this.

And it's done.

I never thought I could hate myself as much as I do right now.

Stressing to the max.

Today is one of them days that I find this harder to deal with.

LADS NIGHT TONIGHT :D

I only realised you still use your blog. I thought you deleted it.

I've also told you before, I write about things in my life that affect me. If your part of that then there is nothing I can do. I don't use names so posts that are about you, only you'd know. I've had this blog long before we started talking and that is always how it's been.

Also you have me curious now as to whatever I did 'wrong'.

It's P day. I really should start this bleedin' essay.

Right now I'm getting a list of peoples names together for this letter.

I probably won't even bother with it but we'll see.

I love how you can come online, give out fucking hell to me over how shit I've been lately.

You are not you anymore. I mean, you are not the you that I knew. You stand for so much things you used to hate. You have this lifestyle that I actually can't stand the thought of. I guess you have the stability you always wanted now. I really don't care anymore. I don't care about you anymore.

I'm not going to say I regret it all. I'm not going to say I hate you. I don't. I just don't care about who you've become.

To think about all the times when you were taking fucking Pep pills for the laugh and I Wouldn't sleep for days just so you wouldn't feel home alone when your mam went to work. Fucking days love. I bet you don't even remember.

Today was the day I was thinking that "If anything happened to me, what would anyone say to you, from me?" Then I realised everything I would want said to you wouldn't be said to you. They'd have been perfect to say to the old you. I can't think of anything I'd say to you now.

My insomnia is your creation. It reminds me of you every day and every fucking lonely night I go through.

I did exactly what I've been meaning to do for a long long time.

I wrote down everything I've ever wanted to say to you.

I just got everything out of my head.

Maybe someday you'll read it, who know's.

Declare the beginning was not the beginning

Before I thought you'd started you'd already set the high score.

Red was never your colour.

I wonder if I asked you to forget everything. I asked you to forget the fighting, forget the times when you got so angry all you could do was hit me.

I'd ask could you?

I'd ask would you?

Then I realise that I haven't changed.

I've still got my words.

I've still got my silly little remarks you hated so much.

I've still got everything I used to be.

You, you loved and hated that.

In the end you just hated that and you made sure I knew this.

You and me we used stand for something

I was told I should write an I.C.E letter.

There are many pro's and cons to this.

The thing is like it's true that nobody else would see it so I could write whatever I wanted. I doubt I'll do it since I'd rather not think that something crazy and stupid might happen to me.

Text me spa.

I miss you some stupid amounts sometimes. I hate how you treated me like complete shit. Ugh.

I said so many stupid things last night. HURRAY. -.-

Also Dying.com x3.

You are still a bitch I see. Sound for it.

I don't even know how to tell you some things anymore since we haven't spoken in so long. I miss you. You live so far away. I don't even want to text you because I know it just makes it harder for you. I know it's not been easy on you and it probably never will be. It's still for the greater good though. I just hope your happy and you are getting what you need. It's all I can say right now.

I'm going to save for college then I'm going to change things.

Three major changes I'm thinking of right now would be, two more tattoo's I've decided on. Book related.

Shaving my head.

Stretching my ears.

Hmmmm.

One week. Just one week. You told me I wouldn't win this time. When you were out of breath and you whispered it twice in a row so low that I wouldn't hear, too bad the rest of the house was silent and I heard. It was at that moment I knew I'd already won.

I'm being a Cunt. If you read this you will realise I'm out to be a cunt.

I'm hurting right now. I'm hurting a lot.

I'm taking it out on you.

Don't try hide behind him. You of all people know that won't stop me. It will only ever make things worse.

You know I don't care about anything right now. We both know I'd go straight through him and he wouldn't stand a chance. Don't make this a competition. I'll win and I'll leave when all the fun is gone. Sorry babe, but that's just me

This lack of sleep is killing me. I'm usually alright with nightmares and stuff but this is just getting stupid.

I decided to walk home from yours last night. The effort involved in that was unreal but I will lose all this weight even if it kills me. I don't know about what is going on anymore. This is one big mistake but yet it's just kept happening. I can't wait to get caught :P

The moment when I was sneaking back out of your house and while walking away you said to me "You won't win this time" and I turned back and I looked at you. I realised what was actually going on. Fuck.

I treated you like shit. Absolute shit. It might have been so so long ago but atleast you know that if you come to me when you need me. I'll be here for you. I'm not just trying to make up for the horrible cunt that I was back then.

You can slap me as many times as you want. I'll stand there. I'll push you and you'll fall. You'll get back up and run and jump at me. Then I'll destroy you. It's our nature.

I never deserved any of this.

Words - Statements - Promises - Emptiness - betrayal.

Yes.

I will be spending the next THREE days in london. Holy fuck I can't wait. Seriously it's going to be amazing with the fellow CM'ers.

AHHH SO EXCITED.

Update when I get home.

Small update on life: This is getting easier every day.

Ps. I love you Al Mc Nally. ;)

This sinking feeling.

It's been a while since I updated anything significant in this blog. I never really have anything new to talk about.

I'm just gonna break certain parts down because I need some kinda timeline to associate things with.

Work:

I'm starting to quiet enjoy my job again. I don't know what it is but I realise that I do need my job. I wouldn't be able to live without it. I know I give up my weekends alot but there is nothing else to do. I'm very lucky to have it.

College:

I hate my course. I actually dread the idea of having to go in. I just get sick of it all. It just all seems pointless. It's all very common sense-ish. It just doesn't seem to actually teach me anything. It's just sometimes interesting to listen to, just sometimes. I feel disgusting knowing I've got to do so much work for something so stupid. If I ever pass it all then I've to pay 2 Grand just to get into next year to do something I really don't want to do anymore. The thought is sickening.

Home:

My sisters probably going to be moving to bayview. Which is kinda cool and kinda weird at the same time. It's closer and stuff. I'm in a rough place right now and I seem to be taking it out on my family. I tried to explain to my parents today but I just couldn't. My dad just gave me the biggest hug ever when I was leaving the room. I may be 21 but nothing beats a hug from my dad.

Girls:

I don't know. This whole situation has made me feel weaker and more sorry for myself than I ever have. I used to think that when I fell in love for the first time, that I couldn't help myself. I was this stupid teenager who couldn't block her out. I find the whole thing hilarious that I spent so long not letting anyone in. Not letting a girl in. I always told myself I was letting them in. Just to make myself feel like I was making progress when I wasn't. Then you came along and I don't think I could have kept you out even if I tried.

It's not your fault. I just think you hate me now. I just feel that you just got bored of me. You decided that you just didn't love me anymore. I obviously just wasn't good enough. I don't mean to make this all about me. I know you've got your problems and stuff you've to deal with. I just wonder if sometime you'll turn around and realise what we could have had. Everything we planned.

All the nice memories I still have. I wonder do you even still have the nice texts I used to send you to cheer you up? x

Personal:

I'm just in a really bad way these days. The combination of college and the other major events of the last few months finally caught up with me. I was so happy for so long. I've no just slipped back into this timid over thinking moan bag. I'm heavily relying on my friends to just keep me sane. I know it's unfair on them when I am fine, I'm barely around and I only come out when it suits me. I then get like this and I try to come out as much as I can. It's not fair but I guess that's the thing about having friends like mine. They never fail to show up when I need them. I asked my psychology lecturer and she said it was very unusual for a teenage group such as ours that is as big as 15-16 friends to still all be as close/best friends at the age of 19/21. People usually grow apart or get pulled apart by college and work. We haven't and I honestly can't tell anyone how happy I am about this.

There is just this nagging feeling that you actually never found me physically attractive and I hate it because I know I'm not. I don't get girls with looks. I really don't. I try at the whole weight loss thing but only to give up again. I find myself disgusting. I'm just going to try again and hopefully keep it up. I'd give anything to just have a nice body. To lose some fat. I've just got to keep it up. If not for my own well being. I need to do it for my mental health because for aslong I feel disgusting about myself physically I'm not going to stop feeling sorry for myself about everything else. I won't feel better and I just don't get out of this abyss that I feel like I'm sinking into.

The only thing being in love with someone has ever really made me feel was sorry for myself.

I got a random text from someone today. We used to talk everyday. We fell out over something stupid. She told me she loved how I was always so strong. She told me she loved how she knew that she could always come to me if she honestly needed someone to depend on. She told me that the hugs that I used to give her helped her get through some very rough times in her life.

This was the most random text I could have gotten. I got it just after I collapsed on my bed too mentally exhausted to move. I wish I could have someone like that.

I've realised so much this weekend.

I really really want a hug.

I'm not annoyed at you. I know your still sick. I know it's killing you.

I just feel let down.

If only I shared with this blog what I shared with you.

Too bad all the things I write for you are just for you.

I really really hate your boyfriend or your boy or whatever the fuck he is. I don't know because it always seems to change. The lad seems to treat you like shit. He seems to try when it suits him. He seems to just care about himself. I get that I don't know everything but from what I know and what you've told me, this lad does not even deserve to talk to you. He's jealous of another lad, WHO LIVES MOTHER FUCKING HALF THE COUNRTY AWAY. Honestly lad, sort your life out. You're lucky she tries as hard as she does to keep you happy. She keeps to the rules you set for her, even if it means she's not to talk to me. I don't know what kind of man you are but any man who controls his girl like she wears a collar deserves a fucking reality check. No body has the right to tell anyone else who they can and can't be friends with. Ugh, You infuriate me.

I've had the courage to say to someone a lot of things latley I never expect to say to anyone again.

So last night I used my new found courage to start a conversation I've wanted to have for two years. It's been on my mind every time I see you. I'm so so happy you understood. I'm happy you realise that it was never easy on me either. I meant every word I said. They were too long overdue.

Today sucked.

I wonder what you'll tell her when she asks. I wonder will you blame me or will you fame me.

I think you'll say no and deny me.

What is the point of it anymore I guess?

I think choices are a pretty big thing for such a split second decision. I've never really had to think about it before this week because alot of people I know have made decisions that are pretty big but yet they seem to have thought about it very little. I don't mean like little as in the time spent, I just mean when you ask why or to explain how they came to the choice they have, they never really have an answer. I like to validate all my choices with reason. I think that you should have a reason for doing everything. If its something small as to just want something for yourself then the reason for doing it is selfish. It is as simple as that.

People around me have made quite big decisions. Even the people who are not "in my life" but are around when I'm out and stuff. People I enjoy seeing and talking to. I don't care that it's only for a few minutes or you barely catch up with what is going on in their lives. They are going travelling. They are moving away.

Recently my sisters boyfriend had to move back to england because he couldn't find work here. She said she might move over to him if he gets his act together. when I was told it seemed like no big deal but it really really is.

When I made the choice to go to college, I never really thought about what I wanted from college, or that it would involve going to DCU for classes and then doing the work. I just took college as something that had to be done. I kinda regret it and I kinda don't. I regret the fact that I'm stuck here for atleast another year and a half before I can really do anything. I regret that when someone asked me to move away with them I had to say no.

I just feel like Everyones leaving. Eddy goes away to america for the summer. That will actually kill me.

Christine goes away sometime that I can't remember. That will kill me.

So many people are planning on going on J1's this summer and I can't.

My decision to stay in my job, stay in college. All my own choices all made with my own reasoning. My life at the moment works. It's lacking a few things but it works.

Don't get me wrong, I just love the idea of going away with friends, it is amazing. I just hate the idea of friends moving and living in another country.

But moving to another country and leaving everything behind. Yeah the internet helps close the gap but the internet does not allow you to hug your mam and dad when you miss them. It does not allow you to sit in the company of your best friends and laugh about old times. It does not allow you to have that place you love to run to when you need to be on your own.

I know that moving also gives you space, it lets you become your own person with your own responsibilities and develop yourself as a person. I know it allows you to go somewhere else, and start fresh. Start with who you are and want to be. I know there are many more pro's for it, I just don't want to think about them. I don't want to want to encourage Eddy to move away and leave. I'm gonna be happy for him. I just won't be happy myself. That goes for anyone.

I'm always going to be from dublin. There are very few places I would like to move to. I'm not saying I wouldn't move at all but it would take alot to make me move.

I just think moving away is huge. The choice is huge. Moving out should be enough for most people. Get your own place and get things started. That way you can still rely on the support of the people who care.

I know I'm old fashion by being quite conservative and negative. My brother calls me boring for it. I don't know. I just like to think about everything and justify it. I've been wanting a tattoo for 5 years now and I have saved for it so many times but my nature does not allow me to pick something that I'm going to have for life. Not yet anyway.

Imagine you went with your original plan, imagine how that would have went, how life would already be different for you? You wouldn't want to still do what you are doing. You'd be happy and comfortable. I've never brought this up with you because I don't believe in convincing someone once their choice is made. They made it for their own reasons. If they prefered another idea then they would have just gone with that.

I've decided when I see you, I'm going to give you the biggest hug ever when I see you. I'm also going to cop a feel of your bum because I miss it.

It's funny, I text you because I needed cheering up and you managed to cheer me up within two messages. I love you so I do.

I told you something last night that I've never told anyone. I scare the fuck out of myself sometimes. it's not even a big deal to most people but to me it's huge. Wow.

I meant to tell you today.

I spent last night watching Alice in wonderland, just so I could actually talk to you about your favourite thing the next time you brought it up.

Even though she doesn't believe in love,

He's determined to call her bluff

Who could deny these butterflies?

They're filling his gut.

I know you always said you need to so this on your own. I just can't stand to see you struggle. I can't stand to see you upset. I can't stand for you to feel alone when I'd be right beside you if you told me you needed me. I want nothing more than you to be happy.

You made your choice. I've been bugging you for so long to make your mind up. Yeah I honestly thought I'd win eventually. I think we'll be alright though.

I hope you don't think that when I asked you for that promise tonight, I was messing. I don't break promises. They mean the world to me. I fully intend on what I asked you to promise me. I'd be a fool not to.

until then,

Maybe when you get home we can just be happy. Live happily ever after.

Bright Eyes <3

I could have used you today. I really could have.

but no, You decided to ignore me all day.

Maybe I am worth staying for, but that's impossible.

I probably should have told you that I wish I was worth the heartache. Which I don't seem to be.

I've never liked No doubt but this is me right now.

Here we go again, another period of being apart.

I read that if a crush lasts longer than 6 months, you're already in love.

How about that? O.o

I guess I'm giving you this time because I don't believe you'll actually give me an answer. If you do actually give me one, we both know what it already is. True this is driving me insane but I'm used to that with you already. You're gonna take as much time as you need but if you take too long then I guess that is an answer in itself. x

I'm confused.

I hate myself for letting you in as much as I do. I can no longer separate my feelings from friendship. I've tried and I can't. This is always how it ends, boy falls for the girl but the girl can't fall for the guy. The horrible thing about it is that, I can't have a best friend without wanting more. I can't have more and that leads to being hurt by a best friend. I hate that this is all my fault. I miss you and you probably don't miss me at all. If you want to continue to stay silent then I'll understand that it is what you want and I'll respect that, beautiful.

I find it amazing that relationships with people can change so easy. The last few months I've had this hate for you. I just had this stupid not want to see you, talk to you or have anything to do with you. You had problems with me, and I realise how I'm so difficult because I'm now in the exact same positions with another friend. I never took the time to see the similarities between things.

I'm exhausted,yet I can't sleep. Fuck this entire thing.

I'm exhausted. I must have gotten about 3 hours sleep in 1 hour intervals last night and about the same amount of sleep the night before. You woke me up last night when I badly needed sleep but I decided to stay awake because I thought you might need some company. I don't know why I do these things. I just do them.

I just know that I won't make up to a text from you in the morning like I usually do.

I need to get my act together and book london. Maybe I just won't come home. That'd be cool :D

I have a huge love for this song. I'd love to do this. Just get up and go.

I totally woke up on the wrong side of the bed today.

I've just been in a completely shit mood all day long and to top it all off I got this huge massive headache and it made it worse.

I'm hoping that 2moro is better and I'm not going to be mind numbingly bored because I've got plans to do stuff and I just hope they work out.

Funny thing my dad says to me about girls. I realised I have always followed it. Sometimes unintentionally but still it has always been the same.

"Does she like to read? Because if she doesn't share a love for books then she'll never respect your want to lose yourself in a book for a few hours at a time."

And I will always remember you as you are right now to me
And I will always remember now
Sleep alone tonight with no one here just by your side
How does he feel, how does he kiss
How does he taste while he's on your lips
I can't forget you
I know you want me to want you
I want to
But I can't forgive you
So when this is over don't blow your composure baby
I can't forgive you

The difference of being a trophy for the boy and being the boys trophy..

Truth is there's one real way of making me go from a bad mood into a good mood straight away. I used to be afraid of doing it too much because I thought the memory would lose all value if I though of it too much. lately I've thought about it a few times. I don't know why. I guess I just need a mood pick me up. I've been asked loads of times what this is, but it's really only something that I'd share with the two people that the memory involves.

You asked me for advice tonight, It's the same advice I always give you. All I ever have is your best intentions in mind. There's a genuine difference between the boy you likes you and the boy who thinks you're hot. There's a genuine difference between the boy you knows you and the boy who uses filler in conversation. There's a genuine difference between the boy who texts you as soon as he wakes up and the boy who texts you whenever he's bored. There's a genuine difference between the boy who says all these nice things you want to hear and the boy who does everything nice he says he's going to do.

It's all about intentions. The boy who likes you, the boy that knows you, the boy that texts you as soon as he wakes up, the boy who does everything nice he says he's going to do. He's the one that's always intended on winning your heart, he's the one that has put the effort in, he's the one that deserves it.

Wanna know why I think that? Because he's the same boy that if he wins your heart, that will wear it like a fucking trophy because it's going to be the most important thing to him and he's always gonna want to keep it close and keep it safe...

Today wasn't that scary, was it babe? x

At this rate I feel that my faith is going to hit an all time low.

I don't know what's with me lately. I've been getting ready for something. It's like a big push. Where I just Push out and get rid of everything that puts me in a bad mood.

I don't know about life lately. It has it's up and downs and I'm not going to make this into a stupid, I hate everything post. I just feel that over the last few months I've been so happy. I was happy with the way things were going. I was happy that I was getting back close to the people that matter. Things are changing. I realise that I've only got a few months left with some people I really care about it. I kinda hope that you;d change your mind. I wish you'd tell me that you wanna stay. I wish that we could start again. Go back all these years and enjoy them again. I seriously missed you after christmas. I remember the nights I could have used a night with you because I always leave feeling happy, I don't just feel happy. I just I'm in this mood where every things funny, I giggle the entire way home from your house at 6 in the morning sleep deprived and dying for my bed. The light always looks very weird on the first bus home. I don't really know how I'd define weird. It's just surreal. The light doesn't look like this at any other point of the day. It just makes me realise a few things. I got seriously sidetracked just there. I just enjoyed that summer where we spent a serious amount of time together. It meant alot to me. I know you're leaving in a few months and I know you're coming back but I also know that this marks the start of the big change. My best friend moves to another continent. I can't talk to him all the time. I can just try fix my sleeping pattern around when I think he'd be online. I'm cool with that. I just don't like that the time for all this is coming soon. It's like living against the clock but we can't do much about it.

Everyone has to grow up sometime.

Life has it's way of showing you what is important. I was out the other night, and Drama starts. I do my best to get out of drama in anyway shape of form. I'll do whatever it takes once it's important but if it's just something silly and small then it can get the fuck. Just Thursday was something that had not happened in a long time. I had to be there for a friend in a way that I've no had to be there for him in a long time. It's good to know that we've had our rough patches over the last few months because I've been a fairly shitty friend in general but when it comes down to it. No ones got his back like I do and he knows it. I might have missed the time that night when he needed me. I was there after and he knows I would have left with him if he asked. That's what best friends are about, Being there when it counts.

College results come out on Thursday. I'm kinda shitting it but I know what to expect. I actually made the effort into Psychology this year because repeating that during the summer was just the shittest thing ever. I wanna go out. I wanna get pissed and I want to do it without a certain thing on my mind.

I wonder have you noticed a change lately? We don't talk as much and I certainly don't act the way I used to. I guess we're just not the same anymore. It's hard to be friends when they only thing that is really keeping you talking is the fact that we used to be friends. I'm talking way back when we were growing up all them years ago. We made all these plans. We said we'd do so many things. Have you realised that we're nothing anymore? I'm not even sure if I tell you I love you, because I love you or because it's habit. I guess if I am doubting it then I already have my answer.

Sometimes I feel like I don't know whats going on. I know theres always the next day to try figure out what's going on but, We are running out of days. We had this talk, it was important to me because you are important to me. Every conversation is important to me. I just don't know if you took it all in, I just don't feel as if anythings changed.

It can tell that that dark is fighting the light and I should probably just let and get some sleep.

I just hope you're prepared to lose me, because you will.

I've made my mind up. I hope you just don't me down again.

one small step..

The thing is, I used to never care about others. I used to just do what I like. I played games when I wanted for as long as I wanted. I know this might seem like a small step for anyone else but tonight I actually text you and asked did you mind if I did since I know you wanted to call me. That's totally new to me. It's quite the big step too.

The mighty 200.

I just became aware that this is my 200th post in this blog. I'm gonna go have some tea before writing anything more..

200 posts in like a year a week. It's not too bad.

Why does this never work? I put so much effort into today. I tried to think of everything. I just wish things would work out. It's hard enough trying to make this more than a dream. You just seem non compliant sometimes. I want us to be more than just pixels, vowels and consonants, dial tones, vocal exchanges and generic goodbyes. I didn't mean to snap at you today. I just need you to understand my frustration. I wasn't mad at you. I was just mad because this was the only thing I had to look forward to this week and when it doesn't happen I realise I've nothing to look forward to for another 10 days. 10 days, 240 hours, 14.440 minutes, whatever you want to call it, It's all the same. Maybe I was mad at myself because I realised that if you're the only thing I look forward to then my life is kinda sad. Maybe it's just because of the stress of college and stuff is getting to me and so is court on thursday. I just wanted to talk to you. Take some comfort in your presence. I don't know. I'm sorry anyway babe.

The truth is, It's all about you.

How dare you stop me from dreaming?

Some day I thought maybe that if I won, then you'd never have to leave because I'd go with you. We could live just over the rainbow..

I guess you know you're gonna pierce the veil of something horrible when you go from hands down to let it go.

You don't even know it exists.

I have one question, It's been on my mind so much the last few days. Just a Yes or No, It's all I want as the answer. I just can't make my mind up about it. It could change everything for the better, or worse. I just don't know.

I don't wanna sound selfish. I just for once would fucking love for SOMETHING between us to be about me. It's the same fucking story every time. Sick of it. I remembered why I'm sick of you.

That moment when you do something you regret. -.-

New rule, never open a Free C&C link in the week you need to do college work. -.-

I miss staying up all night, talking about silly things. I miss us. I hate when your with someone. I just feel like your not yourself when you've got someone, am I silly?

I guess I'm looking for what you can't give me. I'm starting to realise.

I kinda just hate the way I have to ask every time. Ask me for once.

I hate the way you lose contact with people. Yeah you don't text them every night but you'd still like to talk to them sometimes. I just would like to catch up with some people, but how can you do that if they give your 1 word answers, or hardly reply at all. It's very frustrating.

The short list.

I hate you Riot, all you ever do is screw me over once I'm happy with what I've got.

Swain you're next.

List of things I'm going to watch soon:

Star wars I

Star wars II

Star wars III

Star wars IV

Star wars V

Star wars VI

Lord of the Rings - The Fellowship of the Ring.

Lord of the Rings - The Two Towers

Lord of the Rings - The Return of the king.

Ghost in the shell: Stand alone complex.

D. Grayman.

Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood.

Stargate Sg1 Series 1-9

Tron: 2.0

Troy

Role-models

I-Robot

Transformers 1+2.

I really want to ask you a question. I know I probably shouldn't so I've been holding off. It's just been getting harder to keep myself contained. It's harder at night because I just sort of miss you. I'm just being silly again I guess.

I love when you hear a song and it's perfect.

Drinking old cheap bottles of wine
Saying things we haven't for a while, a while yeah
We're smiling but we're close to tears
Even after all these years
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting
For the first time
For the first time
Oh, for the first time
Yeah, for the first time

Oh these times are hard
Yeah they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me baby
Oh these times are hard
Yeah they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me baby

Let down

I hate when your looking forward to something and it just doesn't happen. Cheers.

I find myself lying and lying more just to get by. I hate this.I really don't like lying to you.

You took me high

you took me low

You took my soul with the lies you told.

It's time to be alone.

I'm hoping the lights will guide me home.

The more I gave, the more you take

Now I'm gonna be gone before you wake.

I guess what I'm asking myself is. Why do we do this? I mean I know I always start the game as a joke, but you know how to get me to keep playing. I mean, you know the exact words to get me until I see it as an obsession, something to break. I will break it. I will win. I always do win. I always feel like such a douche for it. You've no idea how much it kills me after.

I really want a tattoo. I hate not knowing what I wanna get. I can never make up my mind -.-

It's been a while.

I kinda guess I'm breaking the rules. I mean, I would be if things were different. I just don't think it would help anyone right now so somethings are best left until they are ready. Sorry Bright Eyes :/

I had this dream the other night. It was one of them ones where you wake up and could swear it was real. The people in it were just too funny. Some people I had not even thought about in ages. Then again more recent faces. I love dreams and thinking about them after.

I'm planning so much for the next few months.

XfactorX

A Day to Remember/ Jessi's party.

Holland to see friends.

Go Slam dunk '11. Set your goals and Less than Jake :D

See the polish lad when he finally gets his ass over here.

I'm just excited you know?

It's been a while.