I don't know what's with me lately. I've been getting ready for something. It's like a big push. Where I just Push out and get rid of everything that puts me in a bad mood.
I don't know about life lately. It has it's up and downs and I'm not going to make this into a stupid, I hate everything post. I just feel that over the last few months I've been so happy. I was happy with the way things were going. I was happy that I was getting back close to the people that matter. Things are changing. I realise that I've only got a few months left with some people I really care about it. I kinda hope that you;d change your mind. I wish you'd tell me that you wanna stay. I wish that we could start again. Go back all these years and enjoy them again. I seriously missed you after christmas. I remember the nights I could have used a night with you because I always leave feeling happy, I don't just feel happy. I just I'm in this mood where every things funny, I giggle the entire way home from your house at 6 in the morning sleep deprived and dying for my bed. The light always looks very weird on the first bus home. I don't really know how I'd define weird. It's just surreal. The light doesn't look like this at any other point of the day. It just makes me realise a few things. I got seriously sidetracked just there. I just enjoyed that summer where we spent a serious amount of time together. It meant alot to me. I know you're leaving in a few months and I know you're coming back but I also know that this marks the start of the big change. My best friend moves to another continent. I can't talk to him all the time. I can just try fix my sleeping pattern around when I think he'd be online. I'm cool with that. I just don't like that the time for all this is coming soon. It's like living against the clock but we can't do much about it.
Everyone has to grow up sometime.
Life has it's way of showing you what is important. I was out the other night, and Drama starts. I do my best to get out of drama in anyway shape of form. I'll do whatever it takes once it's important but if it's just something silly and small then it can get the fuck. Just Thursday was something that had not happened in a long time. I had to be there for a friend in a way that I've no had to be there for him in a long time. It's good to know that we've had our rough patches over the last few months because I've been a fairly shitty friend in general but when it comes down to it. No ones got his back like I do and he knows it. I might have missed the time that night when he needed me. I was there after and he knows I would have left with him if he asked. That's what best friends are about, Being there when it counts.
College results come out on Thursday. I'm kinda shitting it but I know what to expect. I actually made the effort into Psychology this year because repeating that during the summer was just the shittest thing ever. I wanna go out. I wanna get pissed and I want to do it without a certain thing on my mind.
I wonder have you noticed a change lately? We don't talk as much and I certainly don't act the way I used to. I guess we're just not the same anymore. It's hard to be friends when they only thing that is really keeping you talking is the fact that we used to be friends. I'm talking way back when we were growing up all them years ago. We made all these plans. We said we'd do so many things. Have you realised that we're nothing anymore? I'm not even sure if I tell you I love you, because I love you or because it's habit. I guess if I am doubting it then I already have my answer.
Sometimes I feel like I don't know whats going on. I know theres always the next day to try figure out what's going on but, We are running out of days. We had this talk, it was important to me because you are important to me. Every conversation is important to me. I just don't know if you took it all in, I just don't feel as if anythings changed.
It can tell that that dark is fighting the light and I should probably just let and get some sleep.
I just hope you're prepared to lose me, because you will.
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