I'm pretty sure I'm done with this blog for now, I made a private blog on tumblr.

People are welcome to ask for the url and password. I'll find it easier to write there.

I meant what I said when I said I was happy for you. I honestly did. Part of me still wants you to be happy, no matter what form that happiness is.

Today is the first day that I've believed that you led me on.

It's the first day that I believe that you lied to me.

I'm not an idiot and I'm not going to say you didn't mean everything you said to me.

I still think part of what we had was real.

I just hate you for how you done everything.

I hate the way you treated me like shit.

I hate the way you told me all these things and then just didn't do anything.

I hate that I meant every word I ever said, and they fell on deaf ears.

I hate this entire situation because everyone told me that this was going to happen. I told them it wouldn't. I told them you weren't like that. I just hate that I had to make myself believe that you weren't. I hate the way I was wrong.

I hate the way that this was harder for me than it was for you.

I just hate all of this.

And it's done.

I never thought I could hate myself as much as I do right now.

Stressing to the max.

Today is one of them days that I find this harder to deal with.

LADS NIGHT TONIGHT :D

I only realised you still use your blog. I thought you deleted it.

I've also told you before, I write about things in my life that affect me. If your part of that then there is nothing I can do. I don't use names so posts that are about you, only you'd know. I've had this blog long before we started talking and that is always how it's been.

Also you have me curious now as to whatever I did 'wrong'.

It's P day. I really should start this bleedin' essay.

Right now I'm getting a list of peoples names together for this letter.

I probably won't even bother with it but we'll see.

I love how you can come online, give out fucking hell to me over how shit I've been lately.

You are not you anymore. I mean, you are not the you that I knew. You stand for so much things you used to hate. You have this lifestyle that I actually can't stand the thought of. I guess you have the stability you always wanted now. I really don't care anymore. I don't care about you anymore.

I'm not going to say I regret it all. I'm not going to say I hate you. I don't. I just don't care about who you've become.

To think about all the times when you were taking fucking Pep pills for the laugh and I Wouldn't sleep for days just so you wouldn't feel home alone when your mam went to work. Fucking days love. I bet you don't even remember.

Today was the day I was thinking that "If anything happened to me, what would anyone say to you, from me?" Then I realised everything I would want said to you wouldn't be said to you. They'd have been perfect to say to the old you. I can't think of anything I'd say to you now.

My insomnia is your creation. It reminds me of you every day and every fucking lonely night I go through.

I did exactly what I've been meaning to do for a long long time.

I wrote down everything I've ever wanted to say to you.

I just got everything out of my head.

Maybe someday you'll read it, who know's.

Declare the beginning was not the beginning

Before I thought you'd started you'd already set the high score.

Red was never your colour.

I wonder if I asked you to forget everything. I asked you to forget the fighting, forget the times when you got so angry all you could do was hit me.

I'd ask could you?

I'd ask would you?

Then I realise that I haven't changed.

I've still got my words.

I've still got my silly little remarks you hated so much.

I've still got everything I used to be.

You, you loved and hated that.

In the end you just hated that and you made sure I knew this.

You and me we used stand for something

I was told I should write an I.C.E letter.

There are many pro's and cons to this.

The thing is like it's true that nobody else would see it so I could write whatever I wanted. I doubt I'll do it since I'd rather not think that something crazy and stupid might happen to me.

Text me spa.

I miss you some stupid amounts sometimes. I hate how you treated me like complete shit. Ugh.

I said so many stupid things last night. HURRAY. -.-

Also Dying.com x3.

You are still a bitch I see. Sound for it.

I don't even know how to tell you some things anymore since we haven't spoken in so long. I miss you. You live so far away. I don't even want to text you because I know it just makes it harder for you. I know it's not been easy on you and it probably never will be. It's still for the greater good though. I just hope your happy and you are getting what you need. It's all I can say right now.

I'm going to save for college then I'm going to change things.

Three major changes I'm thinking of right now would be, two more tattoo's I've decided on. Book related.

Shaving my head.

Stretching my ears.

Hmmmm.

One week. Just one week. You told me I wouldn't win this time. When you were out of breath and you whispered it twice in a row so low that I wouldn't hear, too bad the rest of the house was silent and I heard. It was at that moment I knew I'd already won.

I'm being a Cunt. If you read this you will realise I'm out to be a cunt.

I'm hurting right now. I'm hurting a lot.

I'm taking it out on you.